


Eau de Résistance

by lovedeterrence



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-04-21 01:01:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14273535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovedeterrence/pseuds/lovedeterrence
Summary: A gayer spin on Goro's social link. Ratings and warnings subject to change.





	1. Chameleon- Rank 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always whining about how Goro deserved better, so now I should put my college education where my mouth is and write fanfiction. Title is probably temporary, but I thought it was fitting enough till I think of something not from a Fallout Boy song.

Another day, another interview. I walked myself through the motions, knowing that I would get my nose powdered, go out, smile, chuckle, and give my opinion, or rather the opinion that was safest for me to have. I was like a chameleon in front of those television cameras, desperately not belonging, but doing my best to blend with what was expected of me. I said my rehearsed responses with a charm I taught myself. That joke about Santa that they fell in love with was rehearsed in my mirror a good seven times over. Everything about me was perfectly crafted and marketed, and none of them picked up on it. It was actually impressive, how good I was at being pleasant, if I say so myself. Goro Akechi: the detective prince, was nothing but a conveniently created commodity for the masses to eat up.

Everything was so goddamn boring. They really ate up every self-righteous word that came out of my lying, well-trained mouth. Never any resistance, not even from these so-called “adults.” And don’t even get me started on the hormonal teenage girls frothing at the mouth. They slobbered and devoured everything I said like they were getting paid. It was maddening, sickening, and like I said before, boring. That was until I noticed a Shujin boy with messy black hair and glasses parked towards the back, a frown on his face, clearly not eating up every word I say and that bothered, yet enticed me. It was the boy I had met briefly before the show, the one who I hadn’t really taken a notice of, but perhaps that was deliberate on his part. There was a magnetic pull between us as our eyes locked, and I felt something long dormant stir in me. The interview went on, but I kept this boy in the back of my mind, maybe a little too feverishly.

When the time came to call on audience for participation, because of the field trip or whatever that was going on, I was thrilled to see the newscaster call upon the raven-haired boy. Perhaps she noticed his charisma, as well. It was hard not to, and it was permeating the very air I breathed. When she asked for his opinion on the Phantom Thieves, it was all I could do to repress a smirk.

“They do more than the cops,” he said.

“Isn’t this the opposite of what you were saying, Akechi-kun?” the newscaster said over the stunned audience.

“It definitely was,” I said, keeping my voice light and playful. “But let me elaborate. If your friend next to you, suddenly had a change of heart, would you be okay with it?” Part of me was afraid. They could come for me, and I know I would deserve it.

Raven-haired boy argued with this saying that they only target criminals.

“How can you be so sure?” I argued. “And we don’t even know how they change hearts.” I rambled, knowing that if I capitalized on the public’s fear of the supernatural, it would make snuffing out the phantom thieves a little easier. But as I spoke, I noticed the fire in that boy’s eyes wouldn’t let up. Nothing I said mattered to him, and I liked it. For once, someone was honest. Someone wanted to stand up to my puppet act. He was riveting, and part of me was furious.

I waited and watched, waited for his little blonde friends to walk away, waiting for my chance to pounce. Though I would never admit it out loud, perhaps my approach of him was a call for help. I walked up to him, feeling a strange sensation in my stomach; butterflies, they called it. I put on that sweet smile I taught myself and began to speak. “I really appreciate you speaking your mind around me, not many people have the courage to do that.” Sometimes I tricked myself, and I couldn’t tell if I was being sincere or not. This was one of those times. The boy gave me a lopsided grin and I wanted to throttle him.

“I would like us to continue our discussions, I think they might be fruitful to me,” I suggested. This was how to make friends, right? Not that I, Goro Akechi, had time or interest in making friends.

“Fine by me,” the boy said.

“Allow me to formally introduce myself: I am Goro Akechi. And you?”

“Kurusu Akira.” The boy —Kurusu Akira, his name floating through my mind like it had always been there— gave me a casual, almost indifferent nod that sent an electric current through me. His eyelashes were long and I wondered why he hid them behind the mess of hair and glasses.

“Well, I’ll be seeing you around, I hope,” I used my pleasant voice as I ripped my eyes away from his features.

“Talk soon,” Akira said with that smirk that made me want to watch the lights leave his eyes.


	2. Call me Goro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon deviation and homosexual antics truly begin. (This is how I do chapter summaries, right?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to my absolute doll of a friend, [unclechrom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unclechrom/pseuds/unclechrom) for helping me with the dialog this chapter. I know the chapters are short, but I do plan to get more in depth as the story goes on. As of right now, Goro and Akira are still maintaining a more superficial relationship with each other.

I couldn’t sleep. Akira was running through my head, playing on repeat, and I didn’t know what to do. I could hear his voice, smug and deep, as though he were right in front of me, and I caught myself wishing he were right in front of me. I hated him. He clearly had an attitude, a lack of respect for me, and for authority, yet he was surrounded by a gang of misfit friends. It was something out of those stories I read as a kid, with the hero I looked up to, and it made me sick to my stomach. I told myself he wasn’t special, but if he wasn’t special, why was he taking such a huge toll on me? Why was there a pang in my stomach every time I check my phone and see no new message from an unfamiliar number?

My apartment felt small, cramped, and overwhelmingly lonely each time I saw no notifications. I was sure he was busy with his other friends. They were all a bunch of rejects, and I don’t know why I even cared. Most likely, he wanted nothing to do with me, and I was making an utter fool of myself by parading myself up to him and handing him my phone number, thus making me the biggest reject of all. When the rejects don’t even want me. Again, why did I care so much? What was I, a fangirl? Akira Kurusu was dangerous. It was something I should have known from the moment I laid eyes on his stupid messy head. He could be my undoing should I let him, should I get close to him, though that is the implication that he would even want me to get close to him.

I let out a sad yawn and rolled over in my small bed. I jumped a little out of my flesh when the phone buzzed and I saw a message.

“Is this the number for Big Bang Burger?”

My heart sank as I sent, “No, this is Akechi.”

“So, is this the number for self-obsessed detective princes anonymous?”

Only one person would give me that lip. I was sure the rest of the world already thought those things about me, but there was only one person I met who would have the guts to tell me that directly. “Kurusu?” I sent cautiously.

“Don’t be so disappointed,” he sent.

“Quite the opposite, really.” _Too honest, Goro,_ I told myself. _Reel it back._

“Do you hand out your number to every asshole that makes you doubt yourself?” I could practically picture the smirk on his face.

“Only if they succeed,” I responded, light and playful. A slight chill went down my spine at how close he was to the truth. I really hated him. “Don’t worry about it too much, there isn’t as much competition as you would think.” He already knew I was self-obsessed, so why not roll with it?

“But I like a challenge,” Akira said, and I rolled my eyes.

“You don’t even know the half of what you’re getting into, Kurusu,” I said, trying to maintain an air of mystery but probably just coming off as sad. I could picture him snorting, not taking me seriously in the slightest.

“Entice me, Akechi,” was all the next message said. I felt mildly sick to my stomach and mildly aroused. Was he flirting?

“Let’s save that for another night, shall we?” I said, feeling terrified, knowing that we were entering dangerous territory, not knowing what that territory was

“I look forward to it. And call me Akira.”

“Goodnight, Akira.” I would have gone red were I not typing the words and instead saying them aloud.

“Goodnight, Akechi.”

“Call me Goro.” Now I was going red.

“Goodnight, Goro.”

I couldn’t remember the last time I had heard my first name on someone else’s lips, or even read it, especially not in a friendly manner. I slept peacefully that night.


	3. Want - Rank 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just two dudes sitting 5 feet apart in a diner so everyone knows they're not gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously i might as well start putting her as a co-author. thank you for your wonderful, watchful eye that proofreads for me and catches all of my blunders. i love you very much [unclechrom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unclechrom/pseuds/unclechrom) <3

Akira and I kept our communication relatively casual. I refused to let him in, refused to let him see the turmoil inside me. I said that keeping it at arm’s length was for my own good, but in reality, it was just more of my mind games and manipulation. Of course, he would run for the hills should he find out his new acquaintance is a fraud and a serial murderer. I wasn’t protecting him by not letting him in, I was protecting my own sorry skin, trying to preserve this illusion that I might have a friend ,and someone might actually give a shit about me. I couldn’t let him figure it out, and I couldn’t let him leave. I know how selfish it was, but he was a breath of fresh air for me. I couldn’t let that go. I couldn’t break his illusion that I was someone worth caring about. I needed to preserve it to the best of my ability, and I felt like a snake slithering around him, squeezing drops of care out of him. He really had no idea what he was dealing with.

“How are your grades?” Akira sent a few nights after we started talking.

I raised my eyebrows at the absurdity of the question. I was Goro Akechi. “My grades are superb as ever, why?”

“You really are self-obsessed,” I could picture his grin, before typing his next message, “I could use a tutor.” He attached a frowning emoji, giving me a sense of desperation. It was, to my surprise, endearing.

“What subjects?” I ventured. No harm in making myself useful to someone other than corrupt government officials, right?

“English, math, astronomy…”

“Yeah, I suppose I could be of some assistance,” I responded.

“You free now?” Akira asked and I couldn’t help but feel my pulse race. The last and only time I saw him was of course at the television station and we were surrounded by a crowd.

“I was on my way home.” I smiled despite myself. This was bad. He was dangerous. Akira Kurusu was dangerous.

“How about a detour?”

“I’m not so sure if I can tonight. I’m exhausted,” I lied. It was actually so slow at the station they sent me home early.

“The diner on Shibuya Central Street in 15 minutes. Sound good?” Akira said, entirely ignoring my last message.

“Sounds good,” I sent. I knew there was a fondness in my eyes that needed to be snuffed out as I looked at the message.

I really didn’t have to detour too much to get to the diner, as my apartment was a nice little place in central Shibuya. Having a rich evil daddy had its perks, I supposed. I got off the subway at my usual stop and reached my bike. I pulled my hair up into a small ponytail before getting on and heading to the diner to meet Akira. There was an uneasiness that wouldn’t let up in my stomach as I rode, and I knew I shouldn’t have been doing this. But I wanted to see him. There were two things I knew for sure about Akira Kurusu: One) this man was a problem. Two) he was entirely irresistible.

When I reached the diner, I parked my bike and felt nervousness flooding through me. I wondered if I was about to get stood up, when the mess of black hair, still in his Shujin uniform approached me. He gave me the once over, and I couldn’t help but notice the shift in his gaze when he looked at my hair. I felt humiliated and wished I took it out before his approach. I quickly freed myself from the ponytail before he could comment.

“Shall we?” Akira said, and I noticed his voice was much more playful and interested than when we met at the television station. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who put on masks.

We entered the diner and sat on opposite sides of the table. The waitress immediately approached him, asking him what he would like, and I realized Akira was a regular at this shoddy little place.

“So, I actually had an assignment from the television station,” Akira had a glint in his eyes as he spoke.

“Did you?” I responded, keeping myself cautious.

Akira nodded with sincerity, “I needed to do an interview that day, but I completely forgot about it. I was wondering if I could interview the ever-so-famous Goro Akechi.”

I frowned, suddenly very aware that he was using me, “O-oh, well. I guess.” I failed to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

“Just kidding. Wanna help me with some English verb tenses?” He let out a bark of laughter as my cheeks reddened.

I rolled my eyes, “You really had me.”

“You’re easy to mess with.”

“I’m not used to anyone my age having the gall to mess with me,” I said.

Akira considered for a moment. “Well, you need someone to mess with you. Everyone takes you too seriously. You take yourself too seriously.”

Now it was my turn to consider, and I smiled a little because he wasn’t wrong. This was refreshing. The rest of the night went on with a similar banter as I explained to Akira about the frustrating world of English tenses. As I spoke, I felt his eyes burning into my skin, and I found myself wondering if he was paying attention to the words coming out of my mouth or the way I looked saying them? However, I quickly learned Akira was a natural at the English language. He picked up on all of my teachings and explanations well (maybe too well for my detective’s intuition to be satiated) and by the end of my lesson, the small paper he had been assigned was nearly finished. He had ordered us both food and drinks, but I had slipped the waitress the payment for the bill before Akira could notice. Towards the end of the night, we sipped our hot tea in a comfortable silence.

“So, how about that interview?” Akira asked, his voice almost boyish.

“What is it that you wanted to know?” I responded, testing the waters.

“Any hobbies?” Akira asked.

I couldn’t help but frown and bite my lip. Most of my life was dedicated to my “detective work.” Did the power rush I got from the Metaverse count as a hobby? Did being my father’s hitman? “I enjoy reading novels, and writing.” Writing meant my food blog, but Akira didn’t need to know that. Other than that, I rarely took time to enjoy life, and Akira didn’t need to know that either. 

Akira gave me a knowing smile, perhaps having figured out what an empty shell of a person I was. He took his thumb and brushed it against my hand. I blinked rapidly, and he pulled away so fast that I surely imagined the whole thing. Suddenly, I was overcome with a surge of bitterness. I’m sure Akira had a multitude of hobbies that he did with his loser friends, that he never had to deal with feeling lonely, and boredom was unheard of. I didn’t want his pity.

“It’s getting late,” Akira eventually said, maybe to diffuse the awkward tension in the air.

“That, it is. I have work in the morning.” I wasn’t lying.

“What about school?” Akira asked with an eyebrow raised.

“They’re lenient with my attendance.” No one wanted to get in the way of the Golden Boy. Little did they know, the Golden Boy would much rather be in a classroom like any other normal kid, but I couldn’t complain too much. This was the path I chose.

“Well, I guess I should let you go,” Akira said, barely hiding his disappointment.

We walked down the steps of the diner and I reached my bike. Before I could stop myself, I asked, “When will I see you again?” I needed to know that this wasn’t a one-off, that this was real, that there was someone who wanted my presence.

“Whenever you want, Goro,” Akira said, and hearing my name on his lips like that sent a shiver down my spine.

I always wanted, and nothing was ever enough for me. That’s what Akira didn’t know. “See you soon, then.”

I got onto my bike, pulled my hair up, and pedaled off. All I could hear was my name on Akira’s lips, utterly tantalizing and I couldn’t control my heart fluttering. I blamed my racing pulse on the cardio from my bike, but I knew it was him. I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and I didn’t know what to do.


	4. Guilt- Rank 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Goro's investment in Akira grows, so does his guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was my favorite chapter to write so far, and one of my favorite moments in his social link, which is why i didn't scrap it entirely. enjoy!!

Everyone gets annoyed with coworkers from time to time. Sae Niijima and I got along fairly well for the most part, even shared a certain kinship due to the fact that we were constantly being extorted by our higher ups. But she was crossing a line with me. There was a tiny coffee shop in Yongen-Jaya known as Leblanc that I hadn’t heard much about until Sae recently started heading over there and harassing the owner, Sojiro Sakura. Honestly, that’s not what pissed me off.

I’ve killed people. My first kill was a woman named Wakaba. This Wakaba was the mother of Sojiro’s adopted daughter, Futaba. Ironic, isn’t it? Me, a boy mentally compromised from a life in foster care, was forced to submit another kid to that life. Force is used loosely, because I did offer my powers to my father, not entirely knowing what I was getting into, but still eager to please nonetheless. But I hurt Futaba. I hurt Futaba worse than anyone ever will, and there’s nothing I can do to help myself sleep better at night. But luckily, she didn’t have to go through what I did because she had Sojiro. 

Sae got all high and mighty, threatened to revoke Sojiro’s custody just to get some information out of the man. Bluff or not, the implications made me sick. Sure, I was the reason why she was in this position, but that didn’t mean I wished her harm. And to some extent, Sae and I were familiar. She knows about what I went through with my mother, she knows pieces of what I went through in foster care, and now she’s willing to even consider subjecting a kid to that for her own personal information gain. I was queasy and enraged.

Needing to placate all of my anger and my guilt, I decided I would stumble into Leblanc. Hopefully the place would be enough of a drab that no one would recognize me. I wanted a quiet place away from my decreasing popularity. I never really asked Akira about his personal life, so it was a shock to me when I entered and saw him behind the counter along with Sojiro Sakura, and Futaba Sakura, the girl I had rendered motherless. Gears started to turn in my head, as I put together Akira and Futaba along with his other odd assortment of friends. I was piecing something together, but I wasn’t ready to face what it was.

“Goro?” Akira asked with surprise, shutting up all of my thoughts.

“Akira,” I said, the rush of fondness I felt was tangible on my voice.

“Isn’t this Goro Akechi?” Sojiro Sakura asked. “The detective? How do you two know each other?”

“Ah, it was just a fortunate twist of fate,” I responded. “I had no idea he lived here, though. It was simply a recommendation from Sae.”

“I have nothing left to tell you people,” Sojiro said, immediately on defense.

“That’s not why I’m here. I really just wanted a cup of coffee,” I felt a pang of sadness. I wanted to tell him I was rooting for him. “And you must be Wakaba’s—” I experienced a deep wave of guilt as I looked Futaba up and down. She had her mother’s eyes.

“What’ll it be?” Sojiro asked, cutting me off before I could approach Futaba. It was like he had already known the things I’ve done.

“Whatever you recommend.” And Sojiro stormed off.

“I’m unwanted wherever I go,” I said aloud, part of me hoped for Akira’s reassurance.

Akira answered dismissively, “So it’s not just here?”

I wondered where his usual friendliness was, when I noticed that Futaba was hiding behind him and standing very close. I felt a surge of jealousy. Sojiro brought out my coffee before vanishing outdoors, he probably hoped I would be gone by the next time he returned.

“I’m sorry if I bothered you,” I said. My guilty conscience was getting to me, to say the least. I let out a low sigh, and started talking, not sure what had come over me. Was I talking more to Futaba or Akira? Who was I apologizing to and who did I want to understand me? “My mother was in a relationship with a lowlife of a man, who had abandoned her while she was pregnant with me. She was ridiculed into her suicide, leaving me to be passed from foster home to foster home. But I do well by myself these days.” I wanted her to know I understood, even though it was my own fault that she went through what she did, and maybe even my fault my mother was gone, my fault for being born.

Futaba let out a grunt in response, clearly on the defense with me. Not that I blamed her. Akira said nothing, and watched me with an expression I didn’t recognize.

“Futaba, why don’t you go with Sojiro for a minute?” Akira suggested gently, and I wondered why he wasn’t giving me this same softness.

“Alright, later, Akira,” she said, before exiting. I might as well not have even been there. Maybe some part of her already knew what I had done, some voice in her brain saying loudly “he killed your mother.”

Akira was the first to break the silence, “Showing up at my house now?” His voice was back to what I was used to.

“I really had no idea you lived here. I guess my next question would be ‘why do you live here?’” Even with my detective skills, I couldn’t figure this one out.

“Well, I’m sure you’ve heard about my probation?”

No point in playing dumb, so I responded, “Yes.” I selfishly found myself hoping what he had done was on par with anything I had done.

“There was this cruel man. He was trying to, uh, force himself on a woman. I had witnessed all of it, and I couldn’t just sit by. I got in the middle of it.” Akira seemed mildly embarrassed, as though he felt ashamed for his heroics and I frowned. “I had to move schools, but Sojiro took me in. He has me do some work when I can.”

“You did the right thing,” I said, and I was sick with envy because I’ve never done the right thing.

Akira looked at me with the softness in his eyes that was missing from before, and I wondered if he felt the need to act more aloof in front of his friends. They all really must have hated me. Much to my surprise, Akira took my hand for the second time of me knowing him and caressed me with his thumb.

“Is there anything else I can get you?” Akira said, putting on his best imitation of a waiter, but not sounding completely natural.

“Another cup, please? It really is delicious. I wish I could drink it every day. I envy you,” though Akira had no idea the deep extent of my envy.

“Coming right up,” he said and relinquished my hand. I didn’t even notice how long he was holding on for until he let go.

“Would it be okay if I came here again?” I asked, feeling like a foolish child hoping to get permission. I really did like this coffee shop.

“You’re always welcome here,” Akira said as he poured foamed milk into my cup.

My gut wrenched because I knew if this family had known who I really was and everything I had done, I most certainly would not always be welcome here.


	5. Honey I'm Home- Rank 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goro comes to terms with the fact that he's fallen for a Phantom Thief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another favorite chapter to write (but my actual favorite is coming up). Hope you guys enjoy it too!

I knew I liked men. I’ve known it for as long as I could remember. My first crush was on a male teacher that put a sticker on my paper. I’ve gotten on my knees for lonely, sexually confused men at the police station. I’ve had no interest in the excessive amounts of female fans that I’ve attracted. I liked men. Though lucky for me, the majority of Japan was so oblivious that they hadn’t even considered their precious little Golden Boy Goro Akechi might be gay. The people who have been with me never wanted to out me either, because by outing me, they would be outing themselves. It really did work out in my favor.

I was very confident in my own sexuality, but I had never had someone of my sex or even someone of my own age flirt with me. I didn’t know what to make of it, nor have I had enough friendships (or any friendships) to determine if that’s all that this was. There was something off about the way Akira looked at me and the constant way he brushed his hand against my own, and the way we texted and laughed late into the night under the guise of tutoring. Our messages were flirty, and hardly pertaining to math, at least on my part. But was it mutual? Or was this just how boys behaved? I didn’t think that it was, but I also didn’t want to be foolish and think Akira might actually be attracted to me.

My suspicions had been correct. Akira Kurusu was a Phantom Thief, or rather the leader of the Phantom Thieves. I had tailed them. I had killed their new member’s father as per my orders. Meanwhile, here I was, walking down the Yongen-Jaya streets to Leblanc just to get a glimpse of him, maybe a conversation. He really was out there stealing hearts, wasn’t he? I joked to myself. Like I said before, I was a moth drawn to a flame, and I was more than willing to let myself burn.

I was greeted kindly by Sojiro who had taken to me due to my frequent visits and my distaste for forced conversation. Though I wouldn’t dare say it out loud, I really liked him. If Akira wasn’t around, I might have fallen for this café owner instead. Sojiro started to pour me a cup and I let the smell of coffee permeate my nostrils. You could taste his love for his work in every cup.

My heart leapt when the mess of black hair entered Leblanc. “Welcome home,” I said much too enthusiastically.

“Honey, I’m home,” Akira responded, and I felt my face burn. Another example of a Phantom Thief flirting with me.

“You’re back awfully late,” I played along, but my embarrassment was intense. I turned to Sojiro, unable to look at Akira any longer, “How’s business lately?”

“How does it look?” Sojiro said, gesturing to the empty café. I felt a deep sense of injustice for him and his beautiful shop.

Before we could continue our exchange, I heard a voice come from the television that sent a shiver down my spine. I couldn’t even bring myself to look. It was my evil father, Masayoshi Shido, and just the sound of his voice was enough to make me terribly afraid and uncomfortable. My entire body had tensed and I wanted to rip my ears off so I didn’t have to listen to him. Luckily, I’m already tense so no one had picked up on it, or so I thought. I noticed Akira in the corner of my eye, rubbing his forehead, but I kept staring straight at my coffee cup. I had made Leblanc my safe place, a place my father would never bother with, and he was still following me here, haunting me, making me relive every crime I committed in his name with just the sound of his voice. I hated him. This was my escape and he was intruding, ruining everything, like he’s done since the day I was conceived, going on and on about how these Phantom Thieves are criminals. Well, guess what, dad? I thought bitterly. Your son touches himself to a Phantom Thief at night.

The elderly people in Leblanc started going on about what a great leader Shido was, and I was beside myself with anger. I wanted to scream and tell them all about what a monster he was, but was I any better, any less of a monster than my father? No, I probably, most certainly, wasn’t.

Sojiro spoke to Akira. “You good? You’re just standing there.”

Akira shook his head as though he just remembered where he was. “You’re standing, too.”

“Okay, smartass,” Sojiro responded and I was jealous of their relationship.

“This Shido thinks the Thieves are criminals, too, huh?” I said out loud. “It just doesn’t make sense. None of their actions have been of murderous or even evil intent thus far.” I needed to play out my role and get on Akira’s side. I needed to shove my support in the Phantom Thieves corner like the miserable puppet I was.

“Are you a phanboy now?” Akira said with a chuckle.

The sound of his voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Haha, no not exactly. Just thinking logically.” I wished I could think logically long enough to cut this off.

Both of us had just had a reaction to that message from Shido, though what concerned me as to why Akira would have a reaction like that. Did my father do something to him? I shuddered. No one made me more angry than that man. I stood to leave before I turned to Akira one last time. “I’ll be doing that panel at Shujin, so I hopefully will see you very soon.” It was a threat and a flirtation all in one, thinly veiled, and I wasn’t sure if Akira would pick up on any of it. My desire to fulfill my role was crumbling. As I went to exit, Akira reached out and squeezed my hand, sending that electric current through me. Maybe my mask wasn’t as impenetrable as I thought.


	6. All the Stars- Rank 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira needs help on an astronomy assignment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've said this the last 3 chapters but this _really_ was my favorite to write. enjoy!!

I had hoped Akira would tire of me, that he would let up with sending me late night text messages and checking in. I tried to push him away. I kept my responses short, but he was insatiable. The Shujin panel was coming up, and I needed to get him away from me. I needed to get my resolve back. After ignoring a few of Akira’s messages, I turned in my bed with eyes shut. I wanted the world to go away, and most of all, the boy who was quickly becoming my world, Akira Kurusu to go away.

“Goro, are you there? I need your help.” My heartstrings were pulled at the word “need.” I was never needed, unless it was taking care of the associates my father didn’t want anymore.

“What is it?” I sent, not trying to sound too inviting.

“Do you know anything about astronomy?” Akira sent with a pleading emoji.

“Somewhat.” I needed to keep distant.

“Are you free?” Akira asked.

“No,” I lied.

“Why do I find that hard to believe?”

“Well—” I began to type before I was interrupted.

Akira cut me off. “Look, just come with me, okay? Can you get to Ikebukuro?”

“Why?”

“Because.”

I let out an amused sigh and sent, “Because?”

“Do I have to come to your house and get you myself?”

“I’ll be at Ikebukuro Station in 20 minutes.”

“I knew you would see it my way.”

I tossed on my coat and practically flew out the door. It really didn’t take much convincing, because I wanted to see him. I wanted to hear him and breathe him in. My heart was racing as I zoomed down the street to the station on my bike. The subway was operating at its usual schedule, but it felt agonizingly slow, separating me from Akira. When I got off the platform and looked at him, I felt the rest of the cold world melt away. He had a playful grin on his face and took my gloved hand in his.

“Can you tell me where we’re going now?” I asked as he pulled me through the city streets.

“Figure it out, Ace Detective.”

I really hadn’t the slightest clue. We reached a tall building, and Akira relinquished my hand. The sign read “planetarium” and I knew my face was red. This wasn’t a date, I had to remind myself. Akira just needed help with homework. Akira went up to the desk, purchasing two tickets for the upcoming show, and I realized no one had ever bought me anything that frivolous.

We were seated with the audience members that had already arrived, and shortly after that the show started. My breath was quite literally snatched away. The stars were beautifully depicted overhead like nothing I had ever seen before, and I was utterly enthralled. My eyes were lighting up as I gazed at the beautiful surroundings and realized how small we are, and that even though I’m terrible, the stars don’t care. Akira’s warm hand found its way to mine and without thinking, I squeezed back.

“What did you need my help with here exactly?” I whispered, my face heating up.

Akira leaned his face close to mine and whispered back, “Company.”

My heart pounded and I had never hated him more, but I didn’t let go of his hand. Under the stars, it didn’t matter that I was a serial murderer and that Akira and I were at odds before even meeting. It didn’t matter that we were doomed to conflict and destroy each other. None of it mattered. He wrapped an arm around me, and experiencing a sudden loss of control, I awkwardly leaned in over the armrest separating us, and pressed my lips to his. He was startled and I felt his mouth open and close against my lips before he returned the warm pressure. He ran his hand up and down my arm, trailing circles along my sleeve. We didn’t care that people could see us and our soft exchange. The only thing present to me was Akira, Akira and the vast omnipresent sky. My celebrity status didn’t matter, and the outcry that could occur should we get caught didn’t matter. For once in my life, I wanted, no, I needed to live for myself. I savored how soft his lips were against mine, and how it was my turn to render him speechless. When we broke apart, it felt physically painful. His arm was still draped around me, and I sunk into him, watching the rest of the show with an awe and feeling a pleasant buzz from the contact between us.

After the show ended, Akira and I exited, still hand-in-hand. I gazed up at the sky, wondering why I had never noticed it before, never realized how small and insignificant everything was.

“Did you even do your assignment?” I asked.

Akira bit his lip, “I just have to write the paper when I get home.”

I could smell a lie, but I decided to let it slide. Akira seemed relieved by this and pulled me close, pressing his lips to mine. I kissed back and when I pulled away I quickly pressed a kiss to his forehead. He was at the right height for it. Akira’s face went pink at the contact, and I felt oddly pleased with myself for the second time to this.

“So, it’s safe to say this isn’t one-sided?” I asked breathlessly as we walked back to the station.

“Eh. I wouldn’t go that far,” Akira said, causing me to stop in my tracks.

I frowned genuinely.

“I was kidding. Of course, it isn’t one-sided.” Akira nuzzled himself into my coat and it was my turn to blush.

The guilt and anger were starting to surge through me again and I knew I needed to get away from him. We let go of each other on the subway ride, and this helped me solidify my decision. I was a criminal. I was out to destroy Akira. He was clueless, completely oblivious, and falling harder for me, and I couldn’t live with it or myself. I knew I needed to sever this. When we got off the subway, Akira walked me to my bike.

“You know, that first day I saw you with your hair up,” he started, his lips curved upward into a flirtatious grin, “you looked good, Goro.” His voice was breathy and the butterflies in my stomach were out of control.

“And I thought you were going to make fun of me,” I said.

“Never. Or, rather, never for that,” Akira said with something akin to a giggle.

I couldn’t help but chuckle sadly. All of this was painful. I didn’t know I was capable of finding the man of my dreams, or even anyone that actually liked me, but I did, and it was all a lie. I was grooming, tricking, and manipulating him, and he hadn’t the slightest clue who the real Goro Akechi was. My eyes watered and I blinked it back. The guilt was going to eat me alive. If Akira didn’t destroy me, then this feeling would. I climbed on my bike, not looking at him.

“Goro?” Akira asked, and dread ran through me.

“Akira?” I responded.

“Can I come over?” he asked and my heart dropped.

“What about my bike?” I asked. It wasn’t a two-seater.

“We can just walk it,” Akira said, almost pleading.

“What about your family?” I needed to come up with something to get him away from me

“I’ll just shoot Sojiro a text. And tomorrow is Sunday, so we don’t have to worry about school.”

 _Get away from me,_ my head screamed over and over again. Akira grabbed my hand caressed it like he always did. “But—”

“Do you not want me to?” Akira asked, looking strangely vulnerable.

 _I want you to go away._ “It’s not that.” I wasn’t equipped to deal with this.

“Then what?” he asked.

I shook my head and pressed my lips to his softly. “Let’s go.”

If I was going to light myself on fire, why not just jump right in?


	7. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goro and Akira share their morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EMETOPHOBIA WARNING

No, we didn’t have sex. I’m a little disappointed in myself. Akira’s cock had been at the forefront of my mind for weeks, but when it came down to it, all we did was sleep. Okay, maybe that’s not entirely honest. We kissed, deeply and heavily, for hours upon hours. I memorized the curves and flavors of his lips. My tongue roamed his mouth with a reverence. Akira was poisoning me. To my own surprise, I barely even thought about undressing him and was _actually_ content with just being in his arms, to feel his gentle fingers roaming my body. He held me tight against him as our lips were locked together.

One thing I noticed was that Akira loved playing with my hair. He would brush the bangs out of my eyes before pressing his lips to my forehead, my nose, and then my lips. It was disgustingly tender, like nothing I had ever hoped to experience. As we drifted to sleep, I felt his fingers running through my hair and I couldn’t help but feel safe in the arms of my enemy, the boy I was inevitably going to destroy.

When I woke, his arm was still draped around me. Akira was wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts and a pair of boxers. My heart pounded and my stomach lurched. What would my father think, knowing I spent the entire night making out with the leader of the Phantom Thieves? I would be a dead man, and so would this tender, trusting idiot next to me. I wouldn’t even be surprised if my father had my apartment bugged to make sure my loyalties weren’t wavering.

With my spite towards my father and adoration for Akira rising, I rolled over and sloppily brought my lips to his. His eyes fluttered open, and I was reminded of how long his eyelashes are. He took his hand to my face, cupped it, and kissed me back.

“Good morning,” Akira said, his voice throaty and expression groggy.

“Mornin’,” I responded, kissing him again and again. I could get used to this.

“You’re really cute when you just wake up,” he whispered, causing my face to turn a permanent shade of red.

Akira slipped his tongue into my mouth, and I worried about my potential morning breath, but those worries were cut short as his fingers laced themselves through my hair and yanked me close. I kissed him like I was starved. Maybe I was. Years of loneliness, abuse, and neglect had added up. I never thought I was capable of being touched this way. If I was not careful, I could become addicted to Akira’s affections, and it’s likely that I already was. The emotions that flooded through me as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me hard were incomparable to anything else.

When our lips finally parted, he brushed my bangs out of my face again and his deep grey eyes poured into mine. His hand trailed down my arm and reached my hand, caressing it and holding it gently. We stayed like that for a few minutes, just silent breaths and taking each other in fully. After a few moments, almost on cue, my stomach let out a low rumble, causing Akira to snicker. He planted a quick kiss to my forehead.

“How about breakfast?” Akira asked. He rolled over to stand.

“Where would you like to go?” I felt my heart race. I couldn’t handle the domesticity of the situation.

“How about I cook?” Akira offered.

“Oh?” I was genuinely surprised.

“You mentioned being jealous of Sojiro’s coffee and curry… And I happen to know the recipe.”

I chuckled a little, stood up with him, and planted a kiss on his lips. “You have no idea how much I would love that.”

Akira worked my espresso machine (again, perks of having a rich daddy) with an expertise, crafting us two cappuccinos. I watched him rummaging through my kitchen for ingredients. My supply was not great as I usually ate out, but I had enough spices for Akira to make a base for the curry. The overwhelming scent filled my nostrils as he simmered it. My dusty rice cooker was rinsed off and put to work. Akira had also plugged his phone into my speaker, playing music while he worked. I watched with interest and adoration. I knew I wasn’t deserving of this, but I didn’t have the heart to fight it anymore. As he cooked, he swayed to the music. It was a side of him I didn’t know existed.

After what felt like an eternity of my stomach grumbling to the bubbling sounds from the curry and the smells, he finally took out two plates from my kitchen cabinet. He scooped rice and curry onto them with a finesse. I could tell he had done this many times. Akira brought the coffee and curry to the table, looking at me expectantly.

I was smiling wide and sat across with him. “Thank you for this,” I said.

“Anytime,” Akira said, and I could tell he was being authentic.

I couldn’t help but inhale the food before me, shoveling heap after heap into my mouth. It was delicious, to say the least. The savory flavors of the curry, and the sharp bite of the espresso complemented each other perfectly. “Where did Sakura-san get such a good recipe?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Well, he actually got it from Futaba’s mother,” Akira said, the smile on his face waning.

I felt my stomach turn. “Wakaba?” I asked.

Akira nodded. “She was a scientist, and used her skills to perfect Sojiro’s curry.”

I was eating the recipe of the woman I slaughtered in cold blood. “I have to use the bathroom,” I said, my voice threatening to break. Bile was rising fast in my throat.

Before Akira could question me, I stood and ran to my toilet. I fell to my knees in front of it, tears filling my eyes. The vomit rushed into my mouth, and I heaved into the bowl, my body rejecting the curry crafted by my first victim. I retched into the toilet until I was dry heaving, tears streaming down my face. There was puke dribbled on my lips and beads of sweat along my forehead. I was biting my tongue, trying to keep myself from hurling further. All I could do was hope that Akira didn’t hear me. The last thing I wanted him to think was that his curry made me sick. It was myself that made me sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for how long it took to update. I've been working on my actual school writing, and been a slave to my retail job. I hope it was worth the wait.


	8. Lovers' Quarrel - Rank 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goro enters the ranks of the Phantom Thieves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> silly title to make up for heavy content lmao

A few days had passed since the episode in my apartment. I had dodged most of Akira’s questions with a few lies about the coffee going right through me. As far as he knew, we were still okay. I kept a reasonable distance from him in the days before the Shujin panel which made the days creep by slowly. He wasn’t too concerned about me, as his Phantom Thief activities kept him busy. He had told me it was his part time job that kept him busy, which I supposed wasn’t entirely a lie.

By the time of the panel, guilt and nervousness wracked through me, but as always, I was adept at putting on my pretty detective prince smile for the cameras. My scripted lines were delivered with aplomb. It was a simple task to coerce my way into the ranks of the Phantom Thieves. Everything was going accordingly, except for Akira’s reaction. The atmosphere of the classroom felt stifling and oppressive, as the Thieves surrounded me. Their expressions were tinged with animosity, except for Akira. Akira looked strangely blank.

“Guys, could you give us a minute?” Akira asked the rest of his team. He was biting his lip.

The talking cat, Morgana, delivered a low growl. “Why?” he asked with suspicion.

“Please?” Akira asked.

“Okay, Joker,” Ann Takamaki was the person who responded. “Guys, let’s go.”

The team shuffled out of the room, looking dejected without their precious leader. I looked at Akira, watching for a change in his expression after they left, but to my terror he kept his face blank. There was a stretch of tense silence before Akira finally spoke.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” were the first words out of his mouth. His voice was angry like I had never heard it before. “Have you just been playing with me?”

A shudder threatened to surge through me, and I put on my fakest grin. “Akira, I’m just doing my job. And it’s a job that I just so happen to be good at.” I knew he wouldn’t like that.

“Why are you acting like such an asshole?” Akira snapped.

I wanted to laugh. If he thought I was an asshole now… “I can’t let my feelings get in the way of my work.”

“Do you even _have_ feelings?” Akira spat bitterly. “Have you just been using me? Deceiving me? Does dating your subject fall into job criteria?” In his cold eyes, I saw traces of pain. A pang of agony went through me when I realized that was the first time he had used the word “dating.”

My hands trembled slightly; I took a breath. My posture remained refined. “No, Akira. It’s not job criteria. I like you.” The words must have sounded fake to him, but it was the most honest I could remember being with him. Immediate regret washed through me when I realized how vulnerable those three words left me.

“It’s fine,” Akira said, venom still lurking in his every syllable. “I was using you, too.”

“Were you, now?” I asked through the feelings of intense rejection that threatened to swallow me whole.

“I didn’t need help with my homework. I was playing the same game as you. I needed to keep you close to make sure you weren’t onto us,” Akira’s lips twisted into a wry smile.

Tears filled my eyes, but I quickly bit them back. “So, that’s all we are, then?” I keep my voice light, mocking.

Akira nodded, his expression steely.

I was entirely aware that this was what I deserved. I was a broken and unloved child at my core, and healthy relationships were a complete and utter impossibility. It was quite foolish of me to hope otherwise. Of course, it was all just a joke. It made sense. My upbringing had left me warped and twisted. Happiness was always going to be out of reach. The things I have done could never be brushed under the rug, especially not to someone like Akira, and it was foolish of me to even think that this could work. Akira was my last lesson in an undeniable fact: I was doomed to be a miserable piece of shit. My entire life was nothing but lies and coercion. From the moment of my conception, I was destined to be a wave of murder and destruction.

“I understand,” I replied. I couldn’t recall a time I had ever felt more broken. My tears were coming, and I needed to leave, because I knew they wouldn’t stop.

Something softened in Akira’s expression, but I watched him bite it back. He didn’t want to be kind to me anymore. If only he knew this was the barely tip of the “fucking him over” iceberg. Before Akira could say another word, I picked up my briefcase, looked him up and down as if for the last time, and began to storm out.

“Goro—” he blurted as I reached the door.

“No, it’s quite okay,” my smile waned as my eyes stung. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

“ _Wait_ ,” Akira nearly pleaded. He reached his hand toward mine and I brushed it away, storming out of the classroom once and for all.

The Shujin hall felt never-ending as I tried to maintain my dignity. How I wished he would chase me? Except I knew that he wouldn’t. He would never let his friends see such a display, and that thought alone spurned me onward. I saw Morgana enter the classroom I deserted out of the corner of my eye.

I reached the subway station quickly after exiting Shujin and made a dash for the nearest bathroom. I flung myself into the nearest open stall, sunk to my knees, and let out a loud wail. All of the pain and heartbreak I was feeling was nothing less than what I deserved. I slammed my pathetic fists against the wall over and over again, only stopping when the pain in my knuckles became too much. Snot poured down my face as I cried my miserable heart out in a dirty, smelly Tokyo restroom stall.

Anger surged through me tumultuously. I resented my father for putting me in this position. I was mad at Akira for using me and not chasing me when I left, for lying to me, and for making me fall for him. Unfortunately, the anger was misdirected. My real animosity was aimed at myself. The choices I had made had doomed Akira and I before we ever even crossed paths, and none of it could be taken back. I continued to bawl, finally coming to terms with my place in life. I wasn’t destined for greatness. I belonged on this restroom floor, alone and unloved. The worst part was, I had to keep going. If I could have died right there, I would have. I had to keep playing my part as Shido’s hitman, or else no one else would take him down. If I were to accomplish one thing in my pathetic life, I needed it to be that, and nothing else mattered. There was going to come a time where I have to raise a gun to the head of the man I love, and smile as I shoot him dead. If I can’t handle a little heartbreak now, how am I supposed to accomplish that?

Eventually my sobs and hiccups ceased. I knew it wasn’t the last I would see of them, but it was long enough for me to blow out my nose, dry my eyes, and pick myself up off of the floor. I pulled my hair into a ponytail with trembling hands, trying to steel myself for my trek home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me this long to update. I had the worst case of writer's block and the chapter was sitting unedited for about 2 months. If anyone is still reading, thank you! I appreciate it more than I can say. Enjoy! Next chapter should make up for it, I hope.


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